Many groups subliminally encoded us that we can be accepted only when we fit in. But when we try by force “fit” into group, actually we behave inauthentically. In the outside we show something but the truth is we think and feel something different. And then they don’t like us just as we are, but they only like something what we show outside. We want to gain approval, but actually we don’t gain it because we don’t present the truth.
Many people want to still improve something. In a job interview they question you about your work experiences and skills, in school teachers ask you about your knowledge – environment still wants more from you and they cross-examine you. It makes you also start to require much from yourself. People are getting fixed on self-improvement, forgetting about ‘just being’. Life is not about only productivity. To function normally, your mind needs to relax. Do you know how many people neglect basic needs as for example sleeping? Notice what happened when you ignored your hunger at least by one day. Our organisms take the consequences of neglect of needs over time.
“You HAVE TO do it”, “You’re such a messy”, “It’s your fault!”, “You always drive me crazy!” and other debasing and criticizing words – they all rape us emotionally, inflicting pain and not changing anything for the better. Such phrases subliminally say to us: “You should this and that”, “There’s no place for your shortcomings”, “You’re a trash”, “Feel worse”, “You’re not here to decide”. Do those messages support you? People don’t even know how they damage others by saying things like above. Actually such words say about speaker and not about person about the speaker is talking. Above sayings often say about low self-worth of person who say them. They try to feel better about themselves by humiliating other people.
The society taught us to live, hiding our authenticity and making us fit in. Not only that, but we also learn that when we lose part of ourselves, we gain certain profits e.g. approval of people who impact on our future. People around still want more and more from us, making us forgetting about healthy resting. Hardly anyone cares about interpersonal communication so we from generation to generation repeat harming phrases, hitting “our” kids and spouses with evil.
And you? How you feel in presented situations?