Let’s say honestly that parents usually want their kids to:
- Be obedient, kind, nice & polite
- Become a doctor, lawyer etc. in the future
- Be convenient for parents (e.g. patents want kids to not show anger)
- Behave in accordance with rules, behave always decently
And do you act according above points every time? You demand or expect your kid to do certain things, but are you a good example for them? Don’t you lose control when you’re e.g. tired or hungry, when you just need something? Have you never acted in rude way when somebody attacked you?
Moreover, kid’s brain isn’t able to cope everything, especially complicated things. Their brain just develop. This is just their time to be immature and to make attempts to go to next development stage. They need time to handle better. Do you expect newborn to walk and speak in proper way one day after birth? Of course no. It’s understandable. But many adults expect toddlers and teens to behave like adults, even if they just can’t.
And the truth is that kids (those youngest and those oldest and every kid at all):
- … need to be loved and accepted the way they really are
- Kids need to discover who they are and what they truly interested in
- They have right to feel emotions and express them in constructive way
- Children have right to not fit some standards and build own individuality
- Difference between children and adults is that kids are in the process of changing childish action into adult and they have right to many attempts and fails
- They have right to get dirty
It’s better mention that it’s not about rejection every social rule. No. It’s about support your kid and take their side. I recommend that you try to understand them and comprehend what they can’t grasp, this is important for them. Focus on their good and abandon building good opinion of you, and reduce complaining about your kids. Gossiping isn’t raising nor supporting. Raising kids should be about kids, their needs and their good.
When kid develops authentically in harmony with own individuality, they want to develop and do it by themselves. But when you try to impose on them your ideas for their living, hobbies, ways of thinking, fashion dress up or when you just don’t let them to choose a toy, your kid doesn’t know who they are, they are blocked in their own development, and then you feel like you must force them to do anything; you find nothing, but force, because they don’t do what they want. They don’t do this because they don’t know what they like. They don’t know it because they haven’t had chance to get to know what they really like and what are their preferences in lives.
And how do you want to impact on your kid? Do you want kid convenient for you, but lost and broken in the future? Or maybe you prefer to take on the difficult task in the form of healthy raising your kid, who develops? The latter has bigger chance to handle in life and feel okay with themselves.
The future of your kid is up to you. It’s in your hands.
If you are a parent looking for help in raising kids, reach for my ebook.
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