The truth is that at some point we overreact with personal development, and we feel really not cool with being still not enough for ourselves. The world goes on and apparently it’s not gonna stop lasting, so we’ve gotta do something with our difficulties, so today about being patient with oneself.
Through many years I used to be frightfully impatient with myself. And now it makes me cry. And this is okay. All my life I wanted to be better and kinda perfect at once, immediately, I expected me to change in one day, I’ve always have something to beat myself up about. An A-minus in school, expression of shyness, driving myself cry, wasting time. & I don’t want it anymore. It’s really hurting that I did that to me so many times… & it still happens at times.
It’s okay to just existing and being. We’re beings. We’re not our weaknesses and shortcomings. The world it’s not about perfection. We just are and we do some stuff for our own and others’ good. We have emotions, thoughts, hard days, reflections, plenty ideas, skills, knowledge, convictions. But we also have consciousness. And attention. And we can stop and say in our minds “Hey, something’s wrong here. I’m just a human, and the truth is that human doesn’t change in one day, much less immediately. I don’t feel okay when I still pick myself on shortcomings, they don’t matter. Self-chasing doesn’t work. I set my mind to be more patient with myself and everything that I put effort.”
I discovered that I have access to big patience even when I feel or think otherwise. Simultaneously, I don’t think so, I don’t believe in the thoughts which say that I can’t stand something, I’m not those thoughts anymore.
I keep telling myself “I’m just a being” and that way I take the appearing pressure of me and I distance myself from the outside world at times. Besides, I don’t have to stress and require from myself to please everybody or be perfect. I decided on self-acceptance by all my mind and soul. Despite missteps.
I don’t have to be afraid that I will get fired from work. They did it once, and I stand on my feet. Of course, if they kick me, I’ll meet consequences and I’ll look for new job (although I don’t like the process of looking for work). Anyway, I don’t have to stress. I can engage and put effort at work and do it for myself, but I don’t have to be in permanent emotional strain about possibility to be fired. Stress won’t bring anything helpful, because it has never brought (although stressing about something during correcting the post :P).
How to be patient with yourself?
1. Stand by your side.
To learn being calm and gentle towards yourself is loving yourself in deeper level, caring for yourself on every aspect. Acceptation yourself. By all your heart, mind and soul. Make close relation with yourself and stand by your side. (And accept that you don’t accept all you. Then you can feel sadness, and that’s okay.)
The experience of being close with myself gave me a new life. Usually it comes to crisis, your old schemes of thinking and behaviors have to die and get weaken by in the first place noticing them, realizing that they aren’t helpful, and implementing new, supporting convictions and reminding them (that works soothing on me).
I remember that I repeated to myself with pressure that I don’t remember new ways of thinking, but how could I remember if I was stressed because of permanent critical self-talk? I feel badly when I remind those inner words. Now I have inner protector who makes me feel relief 🙂
This is big, hard and long matter for many of us, that’s why you can try with next steps in developing patience:
If you already got engaged in thoughts, don’t do anything under the influence of it. Wait out. Don’t reach after further impatient thoughts. Decide that such thoughts aren’t yours anymore. After feeling badly, mentally kinda separate yourself from them. I know it’s hard on the beginning. Just observe what happens in your interior.
Try to notice that you’re starting to put pressure on yourself. When you capture it, you can do something with it. Catch the moment. It’s about recognizing it, not judging.
If you feel your own pressure, realize what you are doing towards yourself. When we really realise some bad things that we do towards ourselves, we’re willing to change something for the better and we reach after strength to do this. Notice how you’re feeling, why you press yourself so much, what you want to achieve by this and how you can get it by other way than being impatient with yourself. Look for other words which will motivate you.
… on what you are doing at that moment.
… yourself. That’s great that you notice and admit your mistakes. Recall that it matters that you work on yourself every day. Next month praise yourself for catching moment of feeling impatience and thoughts that accompany it. You can take a clue from there in second point. Appreciate that you refrained from impatient, chaotical action many times, don’t exaggerate your falls – we all experience falls.
… attitude towards all of you. Understand that you are human, not robot.
8. Visualize & control.
On further stage you can imagine your self-pressure as small bullet on which you have control.
9. Practice learning patience.
Repeat coming back to your inner peace. At the beginning you can solve puzzle which has 1000 small elements. It can be pretty cool start especially if you set yourself long-distanse ambitious goals, for example opening your own business, in this context developing patience is very important.
In being patient with yourself implementing is a key.
10. Unlearn blaming.
Don’t blame yourself for falls or imperfect beginnings of more patient life. That’s the way it is that we, human, often forget how to improve patient, how to stop worry, how to think better, we don’t remember how to cope with life, we forget that we wanted to work something out. That’s why better focus on one thing. Sometimes we don’t notice that we entangled in unhelpful thoughts. Nothing left, but take it just the way it is.
Imagine yourself saying blaming words to you, how do you feel then?
And don’t blame yourself for blaming yourself! Attack your impetuosity with longanimity and love 😉
Start from small things and small goals. Practice patience towards yourself in changing little one thing, washing teeth by all month, for instance.
Get ready to not perfect way in your striving for being patient. Paving the new way mixes with automatic stepping in old schemes of thinking and behaving. Be patient in here 😉
The meaning of patience
Many people think “Why would I learn patience with myself, what if I become lazy?”, but the truth is that true love and patience don’t tell you “Give up and go to do nothing.”
Patience says: “It’s okay that you stumbled and I am not gonna scold you for this. We go ahead calmly.” And good love says: “Go ahead, keep trying, because this is good for you.” When somebody claims that patience or self-love make them lazy, they understand them wrong.
Patience says: “I do something good, then I rest, then do, then rest, and patiently wait for effects.”. Laziness says: “I won’t put effort in any job, I’ll just lie down for all day” after that impatience adds: “& I will be expect immediate effect of this job!”
So the true meaning of patience is not in letting go and passivity. That’s active waiting 😉
Learn to have patience with yourself.
When our surrounding often lost self-control towards us, as a result we also can forgot how to be tolerant and lenient for ourselves. Especially if at least one of parents showed much impatience towards us.
As I mentioned, good step is loving yourself in more conscious way.
Don’t pick on you that you can’t love yourself now or that you don’t do this perfectly. Maybe you feel resistance to start to take care emotionally about yourself, and maybe you don’t know what that caring would mean. So try to accept that you don’t accept if you don’t accept. (Acceptation is not letting go topic of change.) And you don’t have to stress that it’s hard to accept something that you fight with so far. I used to fight with acceptation for many years, and sometimes I feel in myself the impulse which wants to come back to my old status quo, the mechanism of stream of words which used to take my peace away and undermine faith in success and general good. Firstly, we’ve gotta accept the feeling that something inside us wants to pull us down automatically, we need time to strengthen new schemes.
I decide to love myself by my imperfect, but gentle love. I love, already having rational understanding of need of self-loving in existing.
Information for those especially fervent fans who constantly are on own development – we’re able to work out much, but we need to be more patient with ourselves, because when we come with calm, we delete blockades and we can develop without tension and pression. Besides, our minds are something relatively stable and they needs time to catch some new mechanisms.
There are always ups and downs, no matter how much you watch. And it’s okay, as you surely heard and read frequently, every change (so also building endurance) is a process.
Having much calm is big and valuable, especially these days in the pressure, fast world. And having that calm gives inner peace.
Okay. You already know 10 ways to increase your patience, now it’s time for…
Just like we’re patient with people’s shortcomings and we don’t scold them for the money that fell on the ground from their hands, the same we need to practice patience when we stumble for example in setting boundaries, changing in the way of thinking or raising kids.
If you really want to increase patience, do it your entire being. Reading about it or having knowledge in itself won’t help. Become my liker on fb and go practice to be more patient.