Growing up, at some point we realize how’s in the world indeed. Our point of view is getting change or extend. We open our eyes on many matters. Like everyone, so I also was used. Still, I feel disgust.
It’s not easily to swallow. Feeling bitterness, it’s time when we catch how reality works. We notice how we have trusted naively till now. Part of us decide to act in opposite way, because we want to defend ourselves. However, we discover that we are objects of manipulation anyway. We’re getting started to understand that alternately we are used and we use others and we grasp that even when somebody declares that they are selfless, they also gain certain benefits as for example satisfaction, sense of being needed, feeling less loneliness, good opinion, your trust, relation, or quite simply money. So actually they aren’t so selfless.
Actually all our relations are based on exchange of interests, even when we’re not aware of this fact. Even being mum gives some gains (e.g. psychological or financial). Your best friend also enjoys the benefits of your relations – they have somebody to complain, somebody to drink delicious tea, and visiting you they can use your swimming pool, your kindness, patience, sympathy etc. And you gain similar things, you also have somebody to cry on, gossip, talk, share opinions, eat something. On a daily basis many people don’t wonder about it, but this exchange of gains takes place incessantly and it ends with end of any relation.
Sometimes relation with somebody may seem great. We like people, they like us, we have common hobbies and generally everything sounds well. And the truth is that those similarities let us to derive benefits. Like meets like, and those gains aren’t bad unless any of people gives too much and the second person gives almost nothing – and here again they can do it unconsciously. Such a deal is exhaustive for at least one person. At some point the donor is sick of sacrificing for ‘parasite’. No matter which side you are, when there’s no balance, you will lose relation when situation go too far.
Often also we let them use us. It happens when we don’t focus on own goals, having “much free time”. When we were kids, society instilled in us obedience, politeness, fitting in, being nice (and for those things they praised and accepted us), and hence submissiveness which means letting others control you, listening to people in the first place (instead of yourself) – generally they leaned us to skip ourselves in favour of others, what automatically translates into that they can use us, without our knowing.
But will you let them next time? It’s up to you.
First step is recognize.